Influencer, Follower, and the Ego

Why do I want to have a social media following? Why do I want to be an influencer? To influence who? To do what? Based on what authority? To what end?

I’m not sure actually.

After pondering these questions it dawned on me that I didn’t have noble reasons. I wanted a social media following to feed my ego. I wanted to be significant to a group of people. Ironically significance can only be internally sourced.

In Dec 2016 I broke out of the mental cave I imprisoned myself inside. Locked myself away because I had epically failed in launching a business and couldn’t get myself to share anything online.

Why should I tell anyone anything? Clearly I don’t know what I’m doing. That is how I thought.

Then it hit me…. I never hesitate sharing whatever I know with anyone if I can help them. I especially want to ensure I document what I know in case I’m not there for my kids and family members when they need me.

So I ventured out of my shell and started working on a new company and started to create content. I still had the demon voices in my head telling me to not share because who am I to share. I felt so awkward in front of camera and I would overthink everything but I did it. I started creating videos and started sharing them.

Then something interesting happened. I started to get advice from people that don’t even make videos or content. And somehow I listened to them. The part if me that wants to hide yearns to be fed. It wants to be nourished so it push me back into my cave.

I also started getting advice from a social media expert but this person wasn’t actually willing to work with me. Constructive feedback is great but if it doesn’t come with a Q&A session and how to guide it isn’t worth much. It just left me confused and doubting myself more than ever.

This time I went back into the cave. So here I am again. I’ve shied away from being on camera or creating for over 5 months now.

But why? My goal was to share me for those I love and maybe while doing that someone else would find value. Yet I allowed my ego to take over and it so desperately wanted to achieve significance from the effort.

Letting my ego run the show sabotaged the effort. Instead of doing things that I felt compelled to do I started to really concern myself with what everyone else was doing or saying.

I took input from people that mean well but who cares? I didn’t set out to be world famous. Yes I got sidetracked and wanted to become famous but that’s not really my style anyways.

I see the game people play online and I am shocked at it all the time. It’s so well known how much people lie to appear bigger than who they are. I don’t want to be that guy. I despise that bs. So naturally I needed to learn the lesson the hard way.

So ultimately I’m focusing on sharing me and my life for those I love. I hope you benefit from my efforts and I help you achieve more peace and happiness.

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